living in italy: its simple lessons (1)

Dec

People ask me all the time about living in Italy. The questions range from how do I get a visa to how can I support myself to how hard is it to be an English teacher to are the vegetables really cheap?

My answer is usually to look down at my hands and purse my lips like the Church Lady. I know it’s not very helpful. It’s just that Italy is a different place for each person.

My answers will not be the same ones you will hear from Michele Fabio or Eleonora Baldwin or Sara Rosso or Megan McCaffrey Guererra or Arlene Gibbs or Rebecca Winke or the other excellent expat bloggers who have made a life here. We’ve all come here through different circumstances and for different reasons. And that’s as it should be, I think.

If you ask me why I moved to Italy, my knee-jerk response would be to say to learn to make a killer vitello tonnato and to remember how to dream. And that would be true. Because all good philosophy in Italy is intrinsically connected to food. But on a deeper level, I came to Italy to face myself, large pores and all. Italy, it turns out, is the perfect country to do just that.

It’s why I love Italy. And it’s why I hate it. Italy has forced a lot of reality on me. And it’s done it in the most backhanded of ways. Kind of like when your sweet grandmother gives you a piece of candy and then drops you off at the dentist for a root canal. Yeah, Italy can be kind of like that.

Because that’s how you learn. Through tough love:

Don’t waste.

Waste is a sin. And it’s crazy. It costs too much. So don’t throw so much away, and don’t buy so much in the first place, for God’s sake. What do you need all that junk for anyway? Buy what you need and leave the rest. We don’t need more trash, that’s for sure. We can’t even deal with the trash we have in this country. So stop buying so much.

Eat well. At home. Restaurants are for special times, not for every day.

Eating too often in restaurants takes away everything special about it. And you will never really internalize the importance of food if you don’t prepare it just about every day. Eating well at home is a privilege that many can’t afford. So enjoy it. Dio. Is that so complicated?

Organize yourself.

Because if you don’t, both the grocery store and the post office will be closed for a three hour break by the time you get there. And you will get so frustrated that you will start yanking out each of your hairs individually by the root while almost driving into the person in front of you who is on HIS way home to have pasta at mama’s for lunch. Don’t make him late.

Wear a sweater.

Because heat costs a lot of money and it’s unnecessary to use too much of it. Cut the fingers off your gloves if you need to. Really.

God didn’t give you sunshine to get just a tan, but also to get your laundry dry.

In case you were wondering – there are no local gated community laws banning hanging laundry in Italy. Laundry flapping in the wind is considered a fine art form. As it should be EVERYWHERE.

Turn off the TV and go for a walk.

What do you need TV for, to catch the next exciting episode of Grande Fratello (Grande=big, Fratello=brother) or to hear the Prime Minster tell you how his helping a young prostitute was the humane thing to do? Shut the idiot box. Go for a walk.

More simple lessons from Italy on another day. Now get back to work. Or napping. Or eating. Or whatever it was you were doing.

Written by: Diana Baur on December 14th, 2010 | {42} Comments

Posted in {simplicity}

http://bleedingespresso.com Michelle | Bleeding Espresso

You’ll think I’m copying (I know you won’t really) but I swear I have a post quite similar to this sitting in my queue as I type…it’s all so true! Now back to sipping a post-lunch coffee by the fire, thinking about which work assignment I should tackle at the end of my break
Michelle | Bleeding Espresso recently posted..A Norwegian Christmas at Washington- DC’s Union Station

http://www.baurbb.com Diana Baur

Post it , babe. I can’t wait to read what you say. Am I surprised that you and I have similar thoughts at similar times? Uh, well, no….

http://www.sistergirltales.blogspot.com nyc/caribbean ragazza

Thanks Diana for the shout out!

I can’t wait to read more Simple Lessons posts.

I laughed out loud when I read your organizing paragraph. I live in big city. I wanted to buy a protective cover for my Macbook. I did what must people would do and walked over to the store.

Silly me, the store closes for lunch between 1:00-3:30. I should have called first. The store is in Prati, a more residential area than the tourist-filled Historic Center. I get it but it’s still a trip, through my American eyes, that a store in such a large city would close in the middle of the day.
nyc/caribbean ragazza recently posted..Will Silvio Berlusconi surviveagain

http://www.baurbb.com Diana Baur

oh, yeah. I swear, you have not lived until you try to run a B&B around a four hour a day siesta. it just adds that extra note of complication that makes you want to drive your Vespa off a cliff. Not really. But you know what I mean.

http://www.anne-arnott.blogspot.com anne

I would love to see my washing flapping, I do that here in the summer .. .. I do only buy what I really need , especially with veggies etc .. love walking .. I could live the life.

I think our shops should be shut for longer, and why have 24 hour stores , and why open on Sundays .. pure greed if you ask me , and it has really damaged family life .. as so many have to work on Sundays especially in retail …. ..
anne recently posted..More from Saint Cirq Lapopie

http://www.baurbb.com Diana Baur

Sounds like you’re getting ready to make the jump anne…. I agree about Sundays. I worked in retail for years and it just completely disrupts your life. In the States, holidays literally mean nothing except buy buy buy, get a day off (maybe) and go back to working 12 hours the next day. That’s retail or gastronomy in the USA. gah.

http://www.brewsterhouse.com Scott Thomas

Great article, and great lessons of life – no matter where you live!

http://www.baurbb.com Diana Baur

Thanks, Scott!

http://my-bellavita.com Cherrye at My Bella Vita

I love it! Like Arlene, I laughed at the “organizing yourself” section. It sounds simple but it’s actually quite a hard lesson to learn!
Cherrye at My Bella Vita recently posted..Lulu Photo Book Review and Giveaway This Week Only

http://www.baurbb.com Diana Baur

Cherrye, All of these lessons are a pain in the @$$ to learn but in the end, worth it!

http://skywalkerbeth.blogspot.com/ Beth Anderson

Words to live by each day. I now am following each of your shout-outs, too – thank you for that!
Beth Anderson recently posted..Kennedy Center Christmas Jazz Concert on NPR

http://www.baurbb.com Diana Baur

Beth. These lovely ladies have a lot to offer – as does the lovely lady in the comment before yours who is a fellow Italian B&B owner!

http://www.msadventuresinitaly.com/blog Sara, Ms. Adventures in Italy

One thing I don’t agree with is that you said I wouldn’t agree with you! I definitely agree with all your lessons – especially the wasteful and eating at home points. Well put!
Sara, Ms. Adventures in Italy recently posted..Cookie Recipes &amp How to Host a Cookie Swap Exchange

http://www.baurbb.com Diana Baur

no no no, not that you would not agree with me, but that maybe your lessons would be different than mine, darling!!! Know what I mean, jelly bean?

http://www.momentumgathering.com Katie

Simply lovely peek into your world, Diana, but also brilliant advice for anyone living anywhere. I intend to absorb this over and over. Thank you.
Katie recently posted..Do the Math- Count Your Blessings

http://www.baurbb.com Diana Baur

Katie, thank you. You know, the lesson of living outside a person’s own culture can make her more respectful of her own. That’s how it’s worked with me. It’s like I can see the USA more clearly now – good and bad. The habit changes I have made are things I would take back with me, though, they would work there as well as here. Except for the laundry. Shame about that.

http://www.poweredbyintuition.com Angela Artemis

Diana,
I thoroughly enjoyed this post, and agree with you on the points you’ve made. I’ve spent a lot of time in Greece, but never been to Italy. Your article reminds me of being in Greece – especially the frustration over the 3 hour siestas in the afternoon.

Thank you for visiting my blog which turned out to be my introduction to your fascinating site.
Angela Artemis recently posted..A Sojourner’s Guide to Intuition- Meditation &amp Manifesting

http://www.baurbb.com Diana Baur

Grazie Angela. I love your blog and am very interested in its content. The A-List Bootcamp is a fabulous place – such a cross – section of people with such wonderful things to say.

Trying to turn the frustrations of this experience into new habits is something that really interests me.

http://www.miamilf.blogspot.com The Exception

I love this! I think that living in a foreign country has the tendency to offer the chance to look I the mirror and see who we are – if we take the time to look and receive the gifts, hard and easy, that are offered. I lived in Prague in the early 90’s and have referred to it as the dark days of the soul – and yet it is an experience I would want everyone to have… including my daughter. I am not sure you can have the same experience living surrounded by other compatriots, but living in the native economy surrounded by the natives… ah, the things we learn!!
I now take off my shoes in most every house (as does my daughter)
Have the heat set so low and open the windows whenever possible rarely using the AC –
We don’t watch a lot of TV and spend a lot of time walking
We shop often and keep little on supply in the house
Thank you for this post – I do want to live in Italy and give that experience to my daughter (I have loved the country for years) but as you say, the experience for everyone is different. Now I am also going to check out those other sites!
The Exception recently posted..A Different Kind of Sight

http://www.baurbb.com Diana Baur

I take off my shoes as well – after 17 years in Europe it would hurt me not to. I love your lessons. They are very much those of someone who internalized the environment around her. I totally get the dark days of the soul reference. I think it is something we all share, us expats who do absorb the culture we are in. It’s an important component of this experience.

http://lindyloumac.blogspot.com LindyLouMac

Hear hear for the simple life as I sit here typing in my fingerless gloves, great post
LindyLouMac recently posted..Coca-Cola Christmas Commercial 2010 – Italian Advertising Series No 6 – Friday Feature

http://www.baurbb.com Diana Baur

ha! the first time I caught myself writing with fingerless gloves was seven years ago, doing Italian homework in front of the stufa under the light of an energy saver light bulb. I felt like Abe Lincoln.

http://www.carminesuperiore.blogspot.com Louise | Italy

Hi, I’ve been at Lago Maggiore for about 7 years now, and I’d wholeheartedly agree with everything you said here – and I love the way you said it too!

http://www.baurbb.com Diana Baur

AHHH. Lago Maggiore! You are a lucky woman! It’s so beautiful up there (well, it’s “up” for me). Part of me wants to live in the hills behind Cannobio!

http://cobaltviolet.blogspot.com/ Lucinda Keller

Love this post Diana. Very good to hear some of the realities as I fantasize about moving there!
When my parents lived in Thailand and Pakistan there were so many little cultural adjustments and like Italy, things get done in those places whenever they get done and it’s not usually on your timetable!

Hope all is well with you!
Lucinda Keller recently posted..Pastel Snow and White Christmas

http://www.baurbb.com Diana Baur

Lucinda, I call the USA the great land of convenience. When you leave the states, convenience is the first thing that gets sacrificed (in some countries more, in some countries less). When you are ready to actually make the jump, let’s skype – with a bottle of wine on your end, and one on my end. HA! I’ll give you the lowdown.

http://www.positivelybeauty.com Cristina

I agree Diana, and your lessons are valuable regardless of where you live – apart from the laundry bit…being in Ireland, hanging clothes to dry can be an oxymoron…!
Re the three hours break – that’s something I’ve always hated too!
Re TV: we got rid of our TV about three years ago – feels great!
Cristina recently posted..Spicy almond &amp tangerine hearts

http://www.baurbb.com Diana Baur

hahaha! You might hang laundry out, but it will never get dry, right? That’s how it was in Hamburg when we lived there. I had to hang it inside. I have very conflicted feelings about the three hour breaks. Part of me respects the down time – part of me is frustrated by it. But it makes me get my act together earlier in the morning so I can get done what I need to get done. Hope you have a wonderful holiday, cara!

http://www.rethinkingthedream.com Freedom | Rethinking the Dream

Great lessons. I think most of these apply no matter where you live. Except the hanging out laundry to dry. That would be nice here in the US, but it’s something that left our culture long ago.
Freedom | Rethinking the Dream recently posted..The Big Purge Garage Sale Results

http://www.baurbb.com Diana Baur

Right, but it’s a cultural paradigm that should be rethought. After all, dryers are a tremendous energy sucker and for the most part, unnecessary. It’s crazy that in America, the aesthetic of hanging laundry has a higher priority than doing the right thing for the environment!
Majeeda Rosa

I live in California (consumer central!) and still hang laundry, use A/C in the bedroom only when needed, and watch broadcast TV instead of cable. I love being an anachronism, seriously! It’s freeing
Majeeda Rosa recently posted..Your Home is your Sanctuary

http://www.baurbb.com Diana Baur

Oh, i love that, majeeda. You go!!!

http://www.divinacucina.com Judy

Diane- so true!! I often get asked the same questions and need to hold my tongue. What people see as the reality of living here is often am “Under the Tuscan Sun” vacation -style image. I also just read Rebecca’s Ode to Italy– it is a love/hate for most of us, but I always say it is a quality vs quantity most of the time. Letting go of our notions on how we lived in America and going with the flow here.

Frustrating as it can be!

Patience is probably the most valuable quality one can have when moving here-
Happy Holidays– praying the heat doesn’t go out when the snow arrives- internet keeps tweeking along!!! and all the simple pleasures …

http://www.baurbb.com Diana Baur

Judy, thanks so much for stopping by! Yeah, I do agree, patience is the virtue that takes us the furthest. And appreciation– appreciation of small things (like you say, functioning heat…. internet…)
Happy holidays to you too, my dear.

http://www.artnbarb.comArtandBarbLive(d)inItaly! Barbara

I’m still trying to adjust – being an ex expat ain’t easy! They really don’t like it when you start crying in the produce department because everything is SOOO small – and SOOO expensive – and of course picked days, if not weeks ago! And why does everyone keep suggesting we get together – at a nice restaurant??? Don’t people in the states cook anymore??? And yes, I’ll be sneaking up a clothesline this summer – I think I have the perfect spot that will qualify as “not visible from public area” – but how sad is that??? And yet…..

I don’t flinch 10 times each time I’m in the car – don’t have to watch rearview mirror for someone flying up right behind me – can shop anytime I want, without having to plan my day around opening and closing times – can have Mexican/Chinese/whatever anytime I want, and can also find a variety of spices and foods from other countires/cultures.

But still, what I wouldn’t give to see a porchetta truck sitting on the side of the road!
http://www.baurbb.com Diana Baur

hahaha! An ex- expat!! I love it. I hear you, Barb! I would be thinking the same way. What an interesting experience you are able to have, seeing it from the other- other side!!!
http://www.aglioolioepeperoncino.com/ Eleonora

Grazie for the shout-out Diana!!
I love your lessons, and they don’t differ much from my living-in-Italy postulates. Looking forward to any new ones you may care to share.

Baci and buone feste from an unusually cold cold Roma. Forecasts say SNOW later today…
Eleonora recently posted..Sauces for Bollito Misto

http://www.baurbb.com Diana Baur

man, I never replied to this. Mental pause, cara, its’ a nightmare. Thank God it’s warming up now…

Tara Bradford

Hear, hear! Well said! (And I’m working on the less stuff bit…I acquired quite a few antiques and collectibles while living in France. It feels lighter to have fewer things).

http://www.baurbb.com Diana Baur

Tara, living lightly has its advantages and I want more of them. xo

http://www.tomorrowinitaly.com/ Maria Giovannoni

Really, I don’t know how I missed this post? Well, yes I do … Parents here, Madrina di LuccaBella here, need I say more. This hits the nail on the head & is so well put. Someone recently posted on my blog more history about nearby cities BUT really 99.9% of the questions I get are WHY did you did & what is daily life like & why do you feel the way you feel, etc. I love the way you write. It tickles my soul! Grazie mille!
http://www.groundedtraveler.com Andrew

Yay expat lessons.

This “why did you go there?” seems to be a really common question from non-expats. Either because they couldn’t fathom a reason to move or are searching for their own motivation to do so.

Germans have a few of these in the same direction. Sunlight is definitely for laundry, though with harsher winters every patch on a nice day has a table with people. Especially when you don’t understand the language, TV is pretty useless. Even when I do, I find German TV not at all to my liking. That gives more time for the aforementioned table in the sun.
Andrew recently posted..Country of Origin Labels